Does golf really need drug testing on tour? Or is this just an image thing for the PGA?
I have tried to figure out exactly which drug would be performance enhancing for a golfer and cannot find one that would actually help. I am not a pharmacist or a doctor, but I do watch Cops and if I go down the list here is what I find.
The most obvious is steroids. I understand why professional athletes in physical sports such as football or baseball would want to cheat and use steroids. In golf, having a Popeye physique is just going to make you hit the ball farther into the woods, not longer and straighter.
No way for this drug to help. If you are smoking pot first of all you would not care what you shot and you would incur penalties for slow play when the hot dog/beer cart drove by. I can see it now, “uh, yeah, I would like uh, 3 hot dogs, mmmm, 2 bags of Doritos, 1 slice of Carrot Cake, some Sheets, and uhh, oh wait, uh, make that 5 hot dogs…Yeah, that’s all for me…”
You would spend too much time trying to sell the wedges you stole from your friends to pay for your habit. You would not have time to play golf. Plus everyone knows a really fast golf swing is not a good thing.
Holding your opponent hostage at gunpoint because he would not give you a mulligan could potentially have you DQ’d.
Hallucinations are not good on the course. When your golf ball starts talking back it is time to quit the mushrooms
You will only incur more penalty shots because you think you have big cojone’s. No, you can’t hit a 3 iron 300 yards over that water hazard.
Very large breasts on men get in the way of a good swing.
On more than one occasion have I seen someone fall out of a golf cart because they were using the “performance enhancing” Jack Daniel’s. Having a broken arm does not help your game.
Golf is the one sport that requires advanced cerebral activity as well as good physical coordination. There is no other person that proves that more than Tiger. When he is lined up behind that 15 foot putt he has to make, you can see his brain working overtime through his eyes. There’s no amount of steroids that’s going to help him make that putt.
So, in my opinion, I think the PGA is just doing this for show. I have always been a firm believer in the law of great marketing. If performance enhancing drugs really helped in the sport of golf they would be just as pervasive as they are in the other major sports. One golfer would tell another and the marketing would work.
Until someone comes up with a drug that makes you smarter, stronger and have better timing, we are stuck with having to buy the latest and greatest golf ball or driver, take lessons and practice the old fashion way.